Laziness-Selfishness I'M EAT UP WITH IT!

I want so badly to become closer to God.  So close that nothing else distracts me.  To the point where I am completely "Sold Out" for Christ.  I want it so badly.... but do I really?  You see, I had surgery about 2 weeks ago and I am slowly recovering.  I am no longer in crazy amounts of pain, so I can walk around the house, feed myself, etc.  But for some reason I keep finding myself wanting to just sit and watch TV, or play on my phone.  Is there anything wrong with wanting to relax?  Did Jesus say we are not allowed to relax?  No.  But, do these things bring me closer to the Lord?  That is a BIG FAT NO!  See the problem is that if I spend the majority of my day filling my mind and my heart with things that do not glorify God, or bring me closer to God then I am further away from Him than when I began.  This is not what I want!  I am tired of being the Christian that gets "high" on Christ and then eventually it all fades away.  I don't want to be a mediocre Christian.  I want to completely give myself to Christ.  I want to stop thinking only about the things that I want and make me happy.  I want to want what He wants!  The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31, " So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."  I HAVE NOT been doing this. 

One of my favorite songs!!
"All of me" by Matt Hammitt
Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

We can't half way give our hearts to the Lord.  If we are halfway giving then we are halfway receiving and half way being heard and used by God.  I want to be used by the Lord.  This song is by Matt Hammitt and he is writing about his son who was to be born with HLHS (a serious heart condition that leads to multiple surgeries and long hospital stays).  In Matt's autobiography he talks about guarding his heart and building a wall because he was scared of what was to come.  He was scared to love something and have it taken away. 

There are things in life that make us uncomfortable and scared.  Well, being a Christian completely on fire for God makes me nervous as snot!  Why you ask?  Well, sometimes God commands us to do things that put us out of our comfort zones.  I don't know about you but I don't like being outside of my comfort zone!  No siree! 

Let me share a story with you where God has MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.  It all started on Valentine's Day this year.  I was sick the day before and didn't eat much so I wanted to get something extra yummy to eat.  I knew exactly where I wanted to go!  Zaxby's!!!  YUMM-O!  So, I got in my car and drove towards our nearest Zaxby's in Cabot.  At one of the stop lights I noticed that people were slowing down on the other side of the road.  I was curious just what it was that everyone was looking at.  Well, there was a man holding a sign that simply said, "You Are Loved."    I noticed that he was wearing a t-shirt with Christian sayings on it.  I was imagining what he was trying to say to the people of Cabot.  I thought he was saying, "God loves you!  Even if it seems like no one else loves you!  God does!  He loves you in a way that no one else can!"  So, I thought Good for him! Now on to Zaxby's for my yummy dinner!  Then I heard it!  UGH!!!  I was frustrated!  God said, get him some food from Zaxby's and take it to him.  Umm... Excuse me God? You want me to do what?  Can I roll down my window and throw it at him?  I don't want people looking at me!!!!  So, I get to Zaxby's, order my delicious sandwich with fries, and I order the guy a kids meal.  I mean Zaxby's isn't the cheapest place in the world!  God will understand!  Right?? I get to closer to the street corner where the man is standing and I hear it again!  UGH!!!  I felt like God was telling me to get out of my car, take the food, to him and talk to him.  I did it!!  I felt like the entire world was staring at me!  But, then I felt like God was calming my spirit and it was like none of the other cars were around.  I asked the man what he meant by his sign.  He told me and I said that I through it was great what he was doing and what he stood for.  I told him I felt like God wanted me to give him something to eat.  And wait a minute!  Not again!!!  God said loud and clear (and no I do not mean in an audible voice!) "Lauren give your yummy sandwich to the man and YOU eat the kids meal."  I have to tell you!  I was not too excited.  I am proud to say that I gave him my yummy sandwich.  But, I regret the attitude that I had... My heart was not right.  I was not giving the way that the Lord wanted me to.  The Bible says in Deuteronomy 15:10 "Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to."  I was going about all of this so wrong!  I should have taken the opportunity and been happy that I could do something for God!  I was being so completely selfish and only thinking about myself!

Do I think that the guy needed the sandwich?  Not sure.  It looked like he had a car that he drove to get him to that spot.  Did God want me to stop so that the guy didn't feel silly himself?  Was I supposed to be the one to let the guy know that he is appreciated in holding a sign on a street corner?  Or!  Was God giving me an opportunity to come closer to Christ?  I'm not sure.  But, I know that for now on I will do my best to NOT pass those opportunities up! 

Time to share ladies and gentlemen!  If you are given the opportunity are you going to share?  I promise you will be blessed!

Our sweet daughter trying to decide if she wants to share with the animals!  :)  Love it!